Inspiration

   Chemotherapy has a way of wearing you down. I’m in my last cycle, which means I have to finish this week and then only do two more Mondays of treatment before I’m done for good. I should be more motivated than ever, now that the end is so near, but this feels more like the doldrums than the home stretch. I’m just tired; tired of getting up early every morning, tired of going to the same curtained room for chemo, tired of being bald, tired of feeling sick, tired of being tired, etc etc. That probably explains why I haven’t been writing as often. Even though things are happening in my life, I just am not motivated to write about them because I’m too worn down to find anything interesting.

    So today after chemo I was in this funky worn-down mood, thinking about how I didn’t have anything interesting to write about, when what do you know, I get a surprise package at my door. I love receiving gifts under any circumstances, but this was especially sweet because it was an extremely thoughtful gift from someone I don’t know very well at all. A kind note and simple gifts turned my mood around a lot, and it made me start thinking about things that I find inspirational.

   I’ve been hearing this word a lot recently, “inspirational”. Apparently many of you out there reading this blog find it (and me) to be inspirational. So I looked it up. Inspiring: having an animating or exalting effect. Wow, that’s pretty powerful. If reading this, or hearing my story, manages to encourage you or raise your spirits, then I am sure that this will be one of the best things to come out of this whole cancer debacle. Here are some things that move me, encourage me, and lift my spirits. These are my sources of inspiration.

The view from my bed

My wall of notes and cards. Whenever I get a handwritten note in the mail, my mood immediately improves. I am shocked (really, truly, completely surprised) by the thoughtfulness and kindness of people I know. Some of these cards are from family, some are from close friends, but many are from people that I would consider just acquaintances, who took the time and energy to send me an encouraging though when I really need it most. This wall reminds me that you never truly know who you affect as you go through life, and it’s just so lovely to look at from my sickbed. I also keep my “cats pajamas” shirt that my work peeps signed after my surgery, and a calendar where I can cross off every day and really see how close I am to the end of chemo.

The inspirational collage on my door. When I was in the hospital with my bowel obstruction (when I found out I had cancer) my wonderful roommates put together this poster for me. It’s a collage of cheerful photos and sayings, and it’s just a happy thing to look at every time I walk out the door. As if that wasn’t enough, they included a little secret pocket full of inspirational sayings to get me through the day. It’s nice to read an encouraging thought before facing another loooooong day, and my absolute favorite quotes get put up on my mirror, like this one from Robert Frost. 

    There are many more inspirational things that keep me going throughout this ordeal. Messages on facebook from friends I haven’t seen in years, the constant support of my family (especially my mom), long prayers, feedback from this blog, and the kindness of my medical team… if I think about it, I’m really constantly surrounded by sources of encouragement. It’s a huge blessing, and much of it is due to you guys. So please, keep it up. Keep sending me your thoughts and prayers (I really think that helps), and please know how important your support has been, and how grateful I am for all of your kindness during this difficult time. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to express how much each and every gesture means to me, but I’ll keep trying!